My 59th New Year’s Eve.
I’ve spent this day, turning to night, in many ways over the years, some memorable, some infamous, some mundane. All of them mine.
Resolutions made. Resolutions kept. Resolutions that didn’t make it until January 3. All of them mine.
I’ve spent a lifetime climbing. My parents were hard working, loving, children of immigrants. Poor by measure, not by actions or intentions.
The military gave me purpose and clarity in life.
My marriage gave me stability and a foundation.
My son, adopted from South Korea, an immigrant himself, gave me family.
Work provided income, my labor exchanged for food and shelter.
Night school gave me the credentials I needed to validate the skills I had.
Work revealed three things to me that served me well: With a decent intellect, above average problem solving and a willingness to work hard and long, a person could move up in this world. Moving up meant more money for my time, meant more opportunities for my family.
I climbed.
Supervisor. Plant Manager. General Manager. Vice President. Sr. Vice President. Chief Operating Officer. Chief Executive Officer.
So what?
Titles, but if you started where I started climbing, they would mean something to you too, but the question that lingers is, how much should they matter to me and what is the meaning of it all?
I can see the easy trap to fall into, the fallacy that my title is greater than your title and therefore I am better than you.
Pride. Greed. Wrath. Envy. Lust. Gluttony. Sloth. Seven mistakes so easy to fall into, sinkholes that can consume you, if you let them. All of them, trains on the track, barreling down the tunnel I’m walking in.
I’m not perfect. I’m flawed. A sinner. Through reconciliation I sought forgiveness. A state of grace, fragile and fleeting.
I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished but was I done? On New Year’s Eve last year I made the decision to leave my organization of over 30 years and find a role in the top spot, Chief Executive. Why leave safety and security? I wasn’t done climbing and the weather above base camp finally cleared.
This year’s New Year’s Eve I’m reflecting on the year that was for me, and I can say without question, that I led my company with honesty and ethics, empathy and concern for the people, as well as the profits. I can say that because I think about it. Every. single. day. The prism of every decision I make is how it affects the people first.
It is lonely at the top, a cliche, but very true. Decisions have to be made that impact people, families, lives. I channel Kant, I seek categorical imperatives, study the utility of what I am doing, balancing the good with the bad. When you leave somewhere after 30 years you leave behind a support network of relationships. When you join somewhere new, you have no support at first, no close relationships to hold you up in the raging sea. Lonely. I write. I try to meet kindred spirits. I try to add to my tribe of anonymous, but very invested online relationships.
I’m done climbing (I think, more on that soon). I won’t apologize for where I’ve climbed too, no one gave me anything. Opportunities presented themselves: my boss died and I got his job, the owner bought a new business and I offered to travel and run it. At every junction I offered to do more, put more on me, sacrifice work-life balance to climb. Is it any different than an actual mountain climber who trains nonstop for years for his chance to either climb Everest or join its morbid corpse pile, all while sacrificing work-life balance?
So again I ask, how much should that title matter to me? I’ve come to realize quite a lot, but not because I value the compensation or the prestige. I realized that during the climb I developed an appreciation for the people, for the lives of the people, the young families, the ones that are looking for opportunities, the ones that are just trying to survive. I was one of them. I was a shift worker. I worked nights, weekends, holidays, more than one New Year’s Eve for sure. I’m in a position to mentor, coach, guide, help.
When I was young I had time and no money. Now I have money and no time. What I have is clarity, the type of clarity only age gives you. My son, nearly 25 is soon to be a Chiropractor and he met the woman who I know will be his wife. My wife, a saint on earth, giving and loving beyond measure to anyone who needs it. She works at our church, volunteering her time, energy, money, to make others lives better.
I asked Mary, I asked Jesus, I asked for forgiveness. I asked St. Michael the Archangel to give me strength. I asked St. Faustina, St. Ambrose, Peter and Paul, to give me intercessions and to protect and inspire me. My sins, maybe minor, but I’m not without sin. I’m haunted by Jesus saying that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. While rich is relative, I have been blessed through my work to earn well. I clearly have work to do.
So I’ve rethought my position, I am still climbing. My goal now is to do enough good to climb into heaven. I clearly have work to do, but today is the day resolutions are made.
So I leave you on New Year’s Eve without a discussion of weight loss or healthier living, but with a blessing for 2025 that is timeless, a blessing that I hope is given to me one day.
“…(may) The Lord bless you and keep you, (may) the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you, (may) the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
Numbers 6:24-26