When I think of my mortality, it isn’t just the pending death of my physical body, but my work life comes to a close soon. How soon, I am not sure, but it’s not far away.
It’s been a road: 42 years since I left home for the US military, a month or so past my 18th birthday, all while the rest of my friends finished high school, the first of many sacrifices. 42 years of tireless travel, uncomfortable situations that I had to learn from, challenges and obstacles too many to name. From all that? Work became my Affiliation. Identity.
I started to deprogram myself from all of that when I left my former company after 30 years in mid 2024. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made, but necessary, as necessary as leaving the pure pleasure of my senior year of high school to start adult life. I had to tear down that self image of the long time company man, willing to do anything and everything in the name of EBITDA, and recenter myself on my human side: empathy for people, employee needs, work-life balance, decency (news flash: avoid NYC private equity if you value these things.)
I had to rediscover what interests me because with the pending mortality of my work life comes the realization that I have a lot of hours to fill. Going from 60+ hour work weeks to forgetting what a Teams Call is overnight is a jarring juxtaposition.
Yes, I’m sure this sounds like a first world problem, but it’s my problem and that’s why I use my therapy sessions (aka Substack writing) to work out how to proceed.
With the time God leaves me I have no bucket list to draw on, no mountain to climb or sea to cross. I’ve settled on cultivating the part of my identity I was somehow able to maintain all those work years, that of a quiet man.
In my mental model, the Quiet Man is the dangerous one. Thinking endlessly, learning incessantly, a small circle of family and friends that he values indescribably. A Quiet Man is physically fit, morally sound, obsessively curious.
I have already narrowed my interests and pursuits. The time for expansion, my first faced mortality, has already come. The time now is for a mastery of a narrow set of skills.
We all have to face, or not for that matter, the road ahead, as the years pile on. Amazingly, at 60 I’m on now prescription drugs. I’m in the best shape of my life physically, I’m mentally sharper than I’ve ever been and emotionally I’m the calm pool of water I’ve been blessed with always being. Decline will come, but not today. Death will come, but not today.
I’m going to write my own precepts, like the famous ronin Samurai Musashi did, and that I spoke of in a recent post. Like scraps of paper notes and post-its, I have them written already in my head, but it’s time to lay out the blueprint from now till death, the way of life to strive for.
I’ve also lit a beacon. I’m looking to add to my tribe. Kindred souls. Complementary pieces. Women, Men, no age, no location, no language barriers to entry, just vibes and a willingness to vibe. If the idea of a secret tribe interests you, send me a message. The best recruitment is the one where you just turn on the lighthouse and let the ships find you.
My Satori? Mortality.
(Wings of Desire- iykyk)
You have writing skills Brother!!
"Thinking endlessly, learning incessantly, a small circle of family and friends that he values indescribably." So good. Keep sharing keep writing we need it!!!!!!!