I recently flew to Hong Kong for annual meetings. I used the opportunity of solitude and unfettered time on the airplane to take a real inventory of my life, where I came from and where I was headed.
My last entry on Substack was in February of this year. Did I get lazy, no. On March 1st, my brother-in-law, Joe, passed away suddenly. He was one of the healthiest people I knew, fastidious in his eating habits and disciplined in his exercise. His life was destressing, as he was slowly retiring from the business he helped create. It sent my world in a spiral. The shattered life Joe shared with his wife and son, the unfinished living with his brother, cousin and close friends, and the special bond between Joe and my wife, all in turmoil. My own grief seemed to have no outlet except to stop caring about the things on my periphery and only do what I had to do to get from point A to point Z, wherever that was. Grief is a circle.
And then one day, the sky grew brighter again. I don’t know why, sometime in October, 7 months and change since his death, and while not forgotten, a weight felt lifted from me. Perhaps I had sunk too low, hitting my own bottom. I was gaining weight and losing fitness during this extended grief limbo, something had to change. I started fasting again, long and intense like I do when I’m really feeling it. Fifteen pounds came off my large frame over the past 8 weeks. I threw myself back into reading, deeply diving St. Paul and the people he encountered in the early days of The Way, to be called Christianity. Focus and clarity returned to my personal life after chewing through energy doing everything possible to not lose it in my professional life too.
I’m back with renewed focus, for myself and my own growth. So many stories to tell from the pages of my compendium journal where I write about all the context and background I research as I read the primary source information (like, who were Polycarp, Ignatius and Clement, or what does Contumacious mean?)
My horse racing blog, The Turk, is alive and well and I really poured myself into it this year as I struggled under grief on the weekends. My personal blog, Satori!, was recently rebooted where I talk books and music and my personal pet projects. And finally, this Substack, where I unabashedly discuss my faith in the risen Jesus and my search for faith and sinless living.
Thanks for reading.
Anthony